A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

On the foggy moors of the colonies, an unlikely hero was forced to search for the courage to battle an empire...


Lines from the Matt Ryan Program: First catch ball from center. If earset not say give ball to unit M. Turner, then throw at unit R. White. Repeat until clock timer=0.

Out of the the mist, ominously, appeared a dark figure...


Darth Brady: "You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor! Take him away!"

Weak-minded knave: "Yes, master. I will do thy bidding."

Darth Brady: "I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am."

Lines from the Matt Ryan Program: Locate target. Extend right upper extremity in the direction of target and snap at terminal velocity. Purse lips.


Inexplicably British voice inside robot Matt Ryan's head: "Use the force, Matt. Trust your instincts."

Lines from the Matt Ryan Program: What is this noise in my ocular cavities? And what means this word 'instincts'? What is this I am feeling? Feeling? What is feeling? Could this be emotion??????


Darth Brady: "Aaaaaarghhhhh!!! Must I do everything myself???"

Darth Brady: "Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... wookie! So... you have a wookie. Your feelings have now betrayed it too. British Mike Smith was wise to hide it from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps it will."

Lines from the Matt Ryan Program: Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hovering out of the abyss, approached another dark figure...

The Emperor: "It is of no concern. Soon the Rebellion will be crushed and young Ryan will be one of us! Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the command ship and await my orders."

Referee: "Yes, my master."

The Emperor then resumes his throne atop the battleship and marches his death troops to a 9-7 record...