That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Well, folks that game (I can't quite remember the name. Was it the Stanley Bowl?) apparently marks the end of the NFL season. So this column will mark the end of Sad Cutler. Until NEXT SEASON! Weeee! Football!!! In seventh months :-(

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Let's be honest here. The Vikings outplayed the Saints. They out-passed them, they out-rushed them. They were the better team. And they lost. Why? Brett Favre? Not really. He made one bad play at the end there on a terrible play call by Brad Childress. Can't really blame the son of a [gun]. That mother['s Day celebrating gentleman] had an average game. Though laughing at his [handsome] face is quite entertaining, and we all wish he would [live through] a tractor accident, it's not like he really [lapsed] all by himself. This week's co-Sad Cutlers are Brad Childress (for obvious reasons) and the company that manufactures gloves for the Minnesota Vikings.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Well, I missed the Saturday games because of stupid work, so I can't say for sure if there were many pigskin fuck-ups. The Saints and Colts dominated. End of story. On Sunday, on the other hand, people were fucking up like MTV going to Haitian spring break. Nate Kaeding put on a show like few kickers can. Maybe he will go back to his home planet now. Still, the fuck-ups of the day had to be the Cowboys offensive line. Wade Phillips didn't coach the Cowboys to a loss. Tony Romo didn't collapse like many thought. It was the Cowboys offensive line that did the collapsing.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

The first week of the playoffs produced many deserving candidates: the Eagles running game, the Patriots run defense, Carson Palmer, both Tom Brady and Joe Flacco posted Cutler-esque sub-50 passer ratings, the Cardinals and Packers defenses, but I can't help but feel no body and no thing single-handedly decided a game quite like Aaron Rodgers' foot.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

In a year of many fuck-ups, colossal to mere minutia, few can match the historic collapse of Anthony and my own Denver Broncos. Year in and year out they fail at the end of the season like no other team, no matter who is coaching the team.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

This week, we have a very special (sort of) winner--a non-football winner. The dubious semi-honor goes to something that once again demonstrated the epic fail of Cutler. Comcast once again showed they have little to no regard for their customer's satisfaction.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

This week provided myriad candidates (Chiefs rush D, the Seahawks entire team, Mark Sanchez, the Broncos D in the 4th quarter, Adrian Peterson), but no one truly separated from the entire pack like the man, the myth, the legend... Jay Cutler himself.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Though Randy Moss clearly deserves this, his team unfortunately won, which is sort of a disqualification. That leaves us with the Steel Curtainous Wall (made from 100% wet tissues)-- the Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

There are so many candidates this week. I don't know where to begin. There are the Titans pass-dropping wideouts, the Chiefs cadre of Cassel the Interceptor and His Pass-dropping Extraordinaires, the Steelers Joe Burnett who dropped a gift interception that would have ended the game, Marion Barber who fumbled his way into giving the Giants the win, Josh Freeman the thrower of five picks in one game, the entire Falcons team except Roddy White. These are all deserving candidates. But nobody exemplified the epic fail of Cutler like the team that defines failure these days in the NFL. That's right. It's the second richest team in the NFL, the third most valuable sports franchise in the entire world, the team with one of the biggest fanbases in the NFL, and one of the WORST teams in the sport. Ladies and gentlemen, from the wonderfully expensive losers you know and love as the Washington Redskins, with one of the saddest fuck-ups of the entire year, I present Mr. Shaun Suisham.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Though Jay Cutler once again showed the world the importance of the turnover, this week, Jake Delhomme truly set the bar for poor play, as he has so many times this season.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

As much as I'd love to give this to Cutler every week, that would probably be boring to everyone except me (and possibly Anthony). So in the interest of diversity, this week I anoint the Baltimore Raven redzone offense as the saddest fuck-ups of week 11.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

It's fucking CUTLER!!!!!!! Yeeee hawww! This column finally lives up to it's namesake. 5 god danged picks? Are you kidding me? That's unprecedented even with his interceptitude.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

This week, the ignominious award goes a to a group of self-defeating fuck ups. No, not the Lions, Redskins or Chiefs, but the offensive combo of Matt Schaub, Gary Kubiak and Kyle Shanahan.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

(Chicago Sun-Times)

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

For the inaugural edition, we're going with an entity, rather than a single player. That entity: the ever so daunting Green Bay Packers offensive line.