That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

It's fucking CUTLER!!!!!!! Yeeee hawww! This column finally lives up to it's namesake. 5 god danged picks? Are you kidding me? That's unprecedented even with his interceptitude.
Two of them were his signature red zone picks! And one of those was on a game ending drive that quite easily could have won the game. Hyperbole aside, Cutler actually did single-handedly lose this game. His defense played well, his receivers got open, and Matt Forte had a great game and helped out Cutler big time by turning checkdowns into big plays. And yet, Cutler maintained control like Kyle Orton at a Jack Daniels' distillery. Here's a fun little factoid to demonstrate Cutler's innate ability to cripple his team's chances of winning: HE HAS 5 MORE INTERCEPTIONS IN THE RED ZONE THAN ANY QB IN FOOTBALL SINCE WEEK 13 OF 2008. That's 8 red zone picks in a mere 14 games. That's downright impressive, if you ask me. He also has 4 more interceptions than Jake Delhomme, 13 more than Kyle Orton, and he currently leads the league in disinterest. Jon Gruden calls this guy The Aloof Prick. Have fun, Chicago.

Monday Night Most-Probable Scott Norwood Fuck Up
We'll conclude each edition of That Makes Me a Sad Cutler with an hypothesis of who will be the most probable fucker of up in the Monday Night game and how they will most likely fuck up.

Randy Lerner

This should probably go to the Cleveland Brown organization as a whole, but that's a bit of a cop out. Dick Johnson gave us a deep look at their many dysfunctions, but it is probably easiest to boil it down to one man--Randy Lerner. After all, he has been responsible for hiring awful coach after awful coach, as well as awful gm after awful gm. The law of averages says he should at least find one halfway decent front office member just based on the vast number people he has cycled through. But no. He hasn't. Just this year alone Randy Lerner has amassed innumerable faults, not the least of which was hiring Eric Mangini, against all logic and common sense. You'd think that a man with a $1.5 billion net worth would have mildly decent business savvy, but no. He inherited all of his money from his dad. Oh wait. He owns Aston Villa. They are a relatively successful upper-mid level Premiership team. This could be his saving grace. Again no. Martin O'Neill (an exceptional manager, quite the opposite of anything the Browns have had since what? 1960?) was hired before Lerner took over majority ownership. He is reaping the previous ownership's rewards, just like he is reaping his dad's rewards. He probably laughs in the face of all of us poor suckers who weren't born into billionaire families and who can't afford to fuck up everything we do and still drive a Bentley. Go Browns.