That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

This week, the ignominious award goes a to a group of self-defeating fuck ups. No, not the Lions, Redskins or Chiefs, but the offensive combo of Matt Schaub, Gary Kubiak and Kyle Shanahan.

Yes, Schaub is a good quarterback and Shanahan and Kubiak are pretty good offensive coaches. This is true. On the other hand, are you fucking kidding me with the Ryan Moats fumble? They had a freebie. They had the length of a Judd Apatow movie to pick a play and hike the ball, thus rendering the fumble unchallengeable. But no. They dicked around for four hours so that the play could be challenged. They were a couple yards from the end zone. For all intents and purposes, they were guaranteed at least a field goal. And probability says they would have had a TD. That covers or at least ties the 3-point spread by which they lost (on a missed field goal, no less). There are very few games that can be boiled down to one stupid play that ruins a team's chances of winning. This is one of those games. At one point on Sunday, the entire city of Houston screamed "Run a fucking play, you morons!" Even babies. And babies are stupid. But not as stupid as Matt Schaub, Gary Kubiak and Kyle Shanahan for those forty seconds.

Monday Night Most-Probable Scott Norwood Fuck Up
We'll conclude each edition of That Makes Me a Sad Cutler with an hypothesis of who will be the most probable fucker of up in the Monday Night game and how they will most likely fuck up.

Ben Roethlisberger

This could easily go to Kyle Orton, who at some point must realize that he is Kyle Orton, but not quite yet. Not against the Cloth Curtain (how is a curtain supposed to be intimdating, even if it is steel?) and their currently lusterless defense. As for Roethlisbrain, it is pretty evident that the guy is dumb. I mean, look at him. Despite a weak (not too bad considering special teams and a craptime TD) effort against the Ravens, the Broncos have a decent defense. How is their defense decent, mind you? With deception. It certainly isn't with talent. The Broncos have been able to confuse just about every quarterback that has faced them with varied blitz schemes. Roethlisderr is a see player-throw ball type quarterback, who has no idea what the word coverage means. He's good at his instinctual brand of quarterbacking, but against the wise, old secondary of the Broncos, he has his work cut out for him. He'll probably throw for 250 with a touchdown, but he'll throw 2 picks and have at least one Dumervil-forced fumble.

Honorable Mention: This was going to go to Ryan Clark for considering playing after he almost DIED last time he played at altitude. But, alas, PFT reported at 4 ET that he won't be playing. Still, this guy almost DIED and he thought about playing. Smart.