Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.Though Jay Cutler once again showed the world the importance of the turnover, this week, Jake Delhomme truly set the bar for poor play, as he has so many times this season.
Some people just don't seem to get how good Darrelle Revis is. He basically is 2006 Champ Bailey. Do not throw the ball anywhere near him, for he will intercept it and, quite likely, take it to the house. Jake Delhomme is a PROFESSIONAL quarterback with a multi-million dollar salary who has access to fortresses of film tape of Darrelle Revis. I am a guy who watches roughly four football games a week (if that, stupid NFL and their retarded media deals ***). How is it that I know Darrelle Revis is the best cornerback in the league and should nary have a pass thrown towards him and Jake Delhomme, the millionaire who gets paid to know stuff like this, does not? Maybe he does know that and is just some sort of pro-interception turncoat. Regardless, Delhomme had so little confidence in his other receivers that he threw toward Steve Smith (mirrored, of course, by Darrelle Revis) multiple times, resulting in two Revis interceptions and one Smith reception for five yards. Delhomme also thought it would be fun to test Kerry Rhodes, who happens to be a (probably) top-five free safety. Good goin', Jake. At 34, you'll have plenty of time to resurrect your career with the Raiders or something.
***Semi-Brief, Ill-advised Rant of the Week in 15 Sentences or Less
What the hell, NFL? Is your media strategy focused on making sure nobody can watch football games? I remember a mere three years ago there would be three 11:00 games and at least two 2:15 games. ABC, CBS and FOX usually all had more than one game. Now only CBS and FOX show games and one or the other only has one game. It went from six available games in sets of three to three available games and only two going on at once. And out of those two games you have to pick between the Brett Favre, I mean Vikings, game and watching the Chargers lay waste to the Chiefs before the whistle is blown. Unless you have Sunday Ticket, you are boned. On Sunday at 11, the ONLY game available was Redskins v. Eagles. I guess the Eagles are kind of entertaining, but the Texans and Colts had an awesome game going on that I couldn't watch. I couldn't even switch to another game during a commercial breaks because there was NO other game. Stop indoctrinating me into watching shitty games or paying for Sunday Ticket, NFL.
Monday Night Most Probable Fucker-up
Not an actual player this week, partly because both teams are well coached and unlikely to fuck up to much. ESPN gets the honor for their cacophonous group of "analysts." Gruden set the bar earlier today in an ESPN blog post by saying, "Both [Drew Brees and Tom Brady] lead the civilized world in effort." (Which inspired Anthony to suggested a sidebar feature of things Gruden actually says. The first ever REAL thing on POFD! Yippee!) But Gruden isn't alone. There are many other ESPN "personalities" that could ruin this. Steve Young, sweetheart though he is, will stumble and stutter through some rather obvious statement like "the key to the Saints' offense is how they spread the ball around." Matt Millen will say something mustache-centric and ambiguous like: "This league is all about leverage and Tom Brady has a lot of leverage. He has a chance to be special." Stu Scott will try and be hip and fresh but also boring and unopinionated at the same time. Emmitt Smith will add absolutely nothing whatsoever but will hold up a sign saying he has more rushing yards than anyone in NFL history, so you should listen to him. Ditka will maintain his NFL stronghold on the incoherent, drunk-slurring Lou Holtz role. Keyshawn Johnson will try and make a joke that is not at all funny, but will laugh his ass off at his own joke and stare intently at everyone else until they at least react. Chris Carter will pretend like he is best friends with everyone on set, though everyone knows nobody likes him. Tom Jackson will somehow pick the Broncos to win in the Saints-Pats game. Berman will look at his desk full of papers a lot when he picks the winner saying, "I errr ahhhh am going with the Pats. I don't know why, but I like the Pats." Good thing he is a paid "expert" who has no idea why he does things. Then on the actual game broadcast, Gruden will rule the stage. I call this guy THE CLICHE MACHINE, he leads the broadcasting world in gruff manly platitudes and also being uncomfortable with his own face (seriously watch him anytime he knows the camera is showing him). Jaws will do his usual, "I've watched six thousand hours of film this week on Drew Brees. My children don't even know who their father is. What that film told me is that Drew Brees is really good at making reads and often even throwing to his third target." No shit. And then poor little Tirico will just be kind of neutral and try and hold things together, before everything goes to hell. Enjoy.
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