Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award

Pro Football Talk

We're back again for the first time with the second edition of the POFD Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award in honor of the former Patron-swilling juggernaut now known as Lendale White. 

The Patron (not to be confused with Patron, the tequila) Saint of this column actually reached the end zone for just the second time this season in Monday night's 20-17 victory over the Texans, but did so on just two carries. 

You go, Lendale.  Get yours.  I'ma get mine. 

Drum roll, please........your POFD Fantasy Party Man of the Week goes to.......

Party Man

Matt Stafford! 

Now, this award almost could have gone to Brady Quinn, but if there is even a shred of dignity on this website, and in the annals of humanity, Brady Quinn will never ever ever ever ever ever ever receive any awards from yours truly, unless it's Douche of the Year or something along those lines.  A world where Brady Quinn played an extremely solid game of football, albeit against the Lions, is a world where I don't want to live in any damn part of it.

That is why I raise my King Cobra to you, Matt Stafford.  You took time out of your jam-packed schedule of taking pictures with hot, young coeds (damn you) to valiantly lead your squadron to victory over the team that still calls itself the Browns. 

You did toss two picks, but you offset those inteceptions with five, count 'em, FIVE touchdowns and 422 yards through the air.  Even more impressive than your fantasy points (32) was the way you tossed your final touchdown of the 38-37 victory after separating the AC joint in your shoulder on the previous play. 

That, readers, is how a Party Man goes about his business.

Douche

This one was easy.  This week's Fantasy Douche is Broncos "quarterback" Chris Simms!

With Kyle Orton unable to start due to massively tearing some ligaments in his ankle, Simms got the nod for the all-important showdown with the first-place Chargers at Mile High, and he went out there and showed just why the team signed him for 2 years, and 6 million buckeroos. 

Not only did he complete just 2 of 4 passes for 10 yards, he also lost a fumble and was replaced by the one-legged Orton just over halfway through the second quarter.  Orton performed valiantly, though who knows what the action did to his severely sprained ankle physically, while Simms should probably re-evaluate if he really thinks he can be more than just a dynamite clipboard-holder in the NFL. 

Look for Simms to start against the Giants on Thanksgiving.  Then look for the Broncos to lose their fifth consecutive game.