The Inaugural Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award

Pro Football Talk

Howdy folks, this will be a new weekly column here on POFD where we identify the Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week. These are the guys whose garbage time first-down run on 3rd and 5 in a 41-14 game gave you bragging rights for the next seven days, or the guys who managed to drop that touchdown pass when all you needed was another two points to live to see another Sunday. 

Those guys, man, those guys deserve to be one of the many morons who didn't listen in a Roland Emmerich movie.

This column's namesake had to be none other than Titans "running back" Lendale White who, in 2008, nearly single-handedly won myriad fantasy leagues with his weekly 12 carry, 30 yard, 2 touchdown performances.  In 2009, however, with teammate Chris Johnson the best goddamn football player this side of Purple Jesus, White has taken a giant step back for fantasy-kind, notching only a single touchdown in his team's nine games.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Amish, I present to you....the Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week...
Party Man

Well, we've already mentioned him once, but goddammit Chris Johnson is really frickin' good at football.  Not only did he notch the most points by any one player last week (35), he did it in pretty impressive fashion. 

Pounding 40s like they were going out of style, Johnson racked up 135 yards on the ground with two touchdowns against the Buffalo-ians, then just for good measure managed to snag NINE passes for 100 yards to make even Vince Young look heroically competent. 

So, Chris Johnson, we here at POFD raise our Colt 45s to you, good sir.  Unless you were playing Johnson this week.  Then you're probably still seething, crying single tears into your wine cooler.

Douche

This award could almost weekly go to erstwhile sulk-engine Jay Cutler, and not to say Captain Moptop didn't deserve it this week.  I mean, FIVE PICKS?  TWO IN THE RED ZONE?  Jesus.  He didn't even manage that kind of suckitude in the Mile High City.  But since the Emo Avenger already took home the weekly That Makes Me a Sad Cutler Award here on POFD, we're going to lay off the little guy for the purpose of this week's Fantasy Douche. 

Now, there are quite a few disposable enemas that deserve this award this week, it's only coincidence that most of them play for the Dallas Cowboys.  Tony Romo deserved it, Jason Witten deserved it, hell, Wade Phillips deserved it, but I'm going with Cowboys offensive coordinator Jason "Ginger-vitis" Garrett. 

Yes, I'm giving it to a coach, but fuck when it involves I Am Sam-esque play-calling at the goal line, somebody has to be punished, especially when it directly involves your goddamn fantasy team.  When you have a bruising, punishing, poison-ash cloud, tsunami-esque running back like Marion Barber, who literally gets his jollies by sharpening his dreadlocks and running full bore into an elementary school game of Red Rover, why the hell would you be passing on first and goal, second and goal, AND third and goal? 

It doesn't make an ounce of goddamn sense that somebody like Barber could get just FIVE CARRIES for 26 yards in a game you only lost by 10 points. 

So, because of this Jason Garrett,  YOU, my friend and your Simple Jack-decisions, will take home the inaugural Fantasy Douche of the Week Award.  Enjoy, you ginger rat.