That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

(Chicago Sun-Times)

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

For the inaugural edition, we're going with an entity, rather than a single player. That entity: the ever so daunting Green Bay Packers offensive line.

If you watched the Vikings-Packers game this weekend (on the Favre cam let's hope), you probably noticed that the Packers' offensive line is fucking terrible. Not like Raiders terrible, but like wet tissue paper terrible. Perhaps Aaron Rodgers held on to the ball too long on occasion. That is arguable. But at least 700 of the 702 sacks of Aaron Rodgers (unfortunate syntax, I know) were the offensive line's fault. That is not arguable. Stopping Jared Allen (and his 700-horsepower, 650 torque, 20 cylinder motor. Seriously, he has a motor. Ask any analyst that praises him.), Pat Williams and Ray Edwards is a tough task for any o-line, but pitting them against the Packers' o-line is a match made in Yankees-winning-the-World-Series hell. If Aaron Rodgers had a halfway decent offensive line, he would not only be the highest rated passer in the NFL, it would be by about 30 points. Congratulations, Packers fans, your quarterback is as incredible as your offensive line is terrible.

Monday Night Most-Probable Scott Norwood Fuck Up
We'll conclude each edition of That Makes Me a Sad Cutler with an hypothesis of who will be the most probable fucker of up in the Monday Night game and how they will most likely fuck up.

Reggie Bush

This easily could have been Matt Ryan who could throw many a pick to the Saints' masters of defensive turnovers. This just has to go to Bush, though. He predicted that the Saints would go undefeated and that he would be really productive the rest of the year. If he doesn't jinx his team, he most certainly deserves credit for somehow not being productive in the Saints' offense--an near impossibility. Currently, two undrafted free agents (Mike Bell and Pierre Thomas), a seventh round pick (Marques Colston), and the most douchetastic asshole in the universe (Jeremy Shockey) are outplaying the number two overall Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush should be paying 40% of his salary to Bell, Thomas and Colston, 40% back to some Hurricane Katrina foundation, 19% straight to Kim Kardashian's bar tab and he can keep the remaining 1%, because that's what he deserves. Tonight, Reggie Bush will catch 1 pass for 10-20 yards and run 5 times for less than 10 yards. And he will be paid several thousand dollars to do so.