That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Well, folks that game (I can't quite remember the name. Was it the Stanley Bowl?) apparently marks the end of the NFL season. So this column will mark the end of Sad Cutler. Until NEXT SEASON! Weeee! Football!!! In seventh months :-(

Pierre Garcon makes sense for that dropped pass. But he otherwise caught 5 balls for 66 yards and a TD which isn't really bad. The Super Bowl producers are another option for picking The Who as the halftime show. I mean, they have some decent enough songs, but the whole time I was watching I was concerned Roger Daltrey was going to keel over and die every time he attempted to wail. And Pete Townshend has surprisingly little stage presence, as famous as he is.

No, this week's Sad Cutler goes to the one and only NFL, for only playing 16 games. Lazy assholes! Pick up a god damn football. Baseball seasons last up to forty years. The Basketball playoffs alone are longer than an NFL season. Come on Goodell, let's start working on a 40+ game season. It should be at least seven months long. I don't know if I can wait til the March 5th free agency period. Or until April for the draft. Let's get this shit started. Free agency tomorrow. The draft in a week. Training camp can begin on March 1st. Then the season can begin on April 1st. Now that's a fucking season.

The Gritty Whelming Neckbeard of the Week

Drew Brees

I know the guy is famous as shit and is roundly praised by the windbagerati (i.e. Bradshaw, Marino, Esiason, Long, Keyshawn Johnson, etc., etc.), but he's six feet tall! By QB standards, he's an oompa loompa. How can he even see over his o-line? Magic, that's what I say.

And the WINNERS FINALLY are...

The Al Davis Memorial Award for Outstanding Ownership and/or Front Office Work

- Dan Snyder!!!

The Steve Spurrier Memorial Award for Outstanding Coaching
- Steve Spagnuolo!!!

The Ryan Leaf Memorial Award for Rookie of the Year
- Darrius Heyward-Bay!!!

The Brian Russel Memorial Award for Defensive Player of the Year

- Detroit Lions Defense!!!

The Jamal Lewis Memorial Award for Offensive Player of the Year

- Jay Cutler!!! (Narrowly beats Jake Delhomme because of his stature before this season)

The Jake Delhomme Against the Cardinals in '08 Memorial Award for Playoff Excellence
-Nate Kaeding!!! (If any player single-handedly destroyed their team's playoff chances, it had to be him)

Semi-Brief, Ill-Advised Rant of the Week

See above, about lazy-ass football players.

Also, that jerk Tones winning by picking against us the whole time. He can take the initiative and send me his new address or he's not getting his forty from me.

Monday Night Most Probable Fucker-Up

No Monday night game, no fucker-up. This section will return next season.

Editorial Note

We'll still be around writing junk in the offseason, though not as often obviously. Expect to see things like interviews, musical numbers, player facebook pages, draft coverage, team reviews, and other such things. Also, get ready for our brand new baseball blog! It will be unveiled in the coming weeks and we promise it won't be boring!