Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.There are so many candidates this week. I don't know where to begin. There are the Titans pass-dropping wideouts, the Chiefs cadre of Cassel the Interceptor and His Pass-dropping Extraordinaires, the Steelers Joe Burnett who dropped a gift interception that would have ended the game, Marion Barber who fumbled his way into giving the Giants the win, Josh Freeman the thrower of five picks in one game, the entire Falcons team except Roddy White. These are all deserving candidates. But nobody exemplified the epic fail of Cutler like the team that defines failure these days in the NFL. That's right. It's the second richest team in the NFL, the third most valuable sports franchise in the entire world, the team with one of the biggest fanbases in the NFL, and one of the WORST teams in the sport. Ladies and gentlemen, from the wonderfully expensive losers you know and love as the Washington Redskins, with one of the saddest fuck-ups of the entire year, I present Mr. Shaun Suisham.
Wow. I mean WOW. He missed a 23-yard field goal with 1:56 left in the fourth quarter that, for all intents and purposes, would have sealed the victory. AND this was against the UNDEFEATED Saints. AND this would have given hope to a beleaguered and belittled fanbase. AND Jason Campbell threw for 367 yards and 3 TDs AND they STILL LOST. AND more CAPITAL LETTERS FOR EMPHASIS.
What. A. Shit. Show.
Suisham should probably go back to Canada and pick up a hockey stick after that miserable disaster. I have nothing else to say but WOW. Also, sorry, Luke.
And the nominees are...
The season is starting to wind down (tear) and it's about that time to get ready for the offseason awards. Punting on First Down has its own offseason awards, which shall hereonafter be referred to as the Cutlers (patent pending). Each week in That Makes Me Sad Cutler, we'll reveal a new award and the nominees, as well a summary of their "qualifications." All of these awards are memorials to still-alive people who are dead to the football world.
Our first award....
*Okay maybe some of these memorials will be to dead people
Nominees:
Al Davis - That JaMarcus Russel can really move an offense. And that Darius Heyward-Bey is a great route-runner with incredible hands. Al Davis is truly a genius par excellence when it comes to the draft.
Matt Millen - He may not actually be a in the Lions front office anymore, but his personnel decisions have set the Lions up to be a dynasty for the next ten years. His brilliant decisions are still tangibly felt by the Lions this year.
Daniel Snyder - Though he is merely the owner in title, everyone is quite well aware of his influence in the Redskins personnel decisions. He is basically turning into Al Davis with about thirty more years to live. His many brilliant signings/hirings/trades include: Hall of Fame trick play specialist Antwan Randle-El, the incredibly production-less and locker room-destroying Deion Sanders, workout warrior/special team ace Adam Archuleta, Hall of Fame puppet Jim Zorn, and the Portis for Bailey and two first round picks trade. Some of those are from a few years back, but I feel like they are still affecting the team today.
Semi-Brief, Ill-advised Rant of the Week in 15 Sentences of Less
Ohhhh, pohhhh wittle Favrey Poo got intercepted. Guess what! It's interception season according to geografavre and the Gregorian calendfavre. In spite of Adrian Peterson, an exceptional o-line, and a terrific defense, Favre will still figure out how throw 5+ picks in the remaining four games and end up losing at least two of them. It is just what he does. He gunslings for the first ten games or so and then interception-slings his teams to losses for the rest of the season. Finally! It's about god-damn time! The old cabin-dwelling, down-home multimillionaire deserves to lose some of his luster. If he wins the Super Bowl and retires gloriously in the same "year" (cause the Super Bowl happens the following year) as the Yankees win the World Series and the Lakers win the NBA Championship, I don't know what I'll do, but I may quit watching sports. Or at least just watch soccer.
Monday Night Most Probable Fucker-Up
It will probably be the Packers' offensive line, let's be honest. But they already received a Sad Cutler this season, and they're pretty obvious. McGahee, on the other hand, is a frickin' ghost. In the first three games, he had 6 TDs and averaged 77 total yards per game (13 fantasy points per game, for the record). In the eight games since, he has 2 TDs and has averaged 14.7 total yards (not even 3 fantasy points per game). Good goin', champ. Way to push Ray Rice for playing time. In this hard-fought Monday Night game, McGahee will manage to gain 0 yards on 3 carries, all on the goal line, all completely useless.
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