Pro Football TalkWell folks, I'm back. I know you all missed me. It's obvious from the outpouring of anger in your emails toward Mr. Peterson. I believe they all went something like this:
From reader TheRealChefBoyardee:
Holy mozzarella, how-a dare you-a criticize Mr. Masterson-a per liking-a Chef-a Boyardee! I'll put my spicy meat-a-balls in your fazuls, capisce?
Apparently, Mr. Peterson's fan base does not lie in the Old Country...
With that being said, it's time for the Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award. Now, I understand that Chris Johnson should earn it this week, I really do. He earned the most points (35), and basically single-handedly beat the everloving shit out of the Rams (yes, that still counts.)
But 1) Johnson has already won said award. Nobody needs to win it twice....unless you're the Douche. and 2) I'm pulling the Homer card this week and handing the Lendale White Fantasy Party Man to.....
Brandon Marshall!!!
Marshall picked up the second-most fantasy points this week (32), next to Johnson of course, by catching an NFL record 21 passes from Captain Neckbeard himself, for 200 yards and 2 touchdowns.
More impressively, he did it without getting arrested for assault even once.
Even before the game, Peter King reported on Sunday Night Football that Marshall knew he was going to have the game of his life. King spotted Marshall sitting on the curb outside Lucas Oil Field with a brown paper bag, sipping on a tall bottle of Magnum 40 when he asked Marshall about the day's game.
That Peter King really knows his football.
So, Mr. Marshall, we here at POFD tip back our Mickey's to you. May your malt liquor always be chilled, and hands stay sticky like duct tape.
Douche
Randy Moss!!
Not only did Mr. Moss only tally one catch against the immortal defense of the Carolina Panthers on Sunday, he managed to turn the one time he actually touched the ball into a fumble and turnover.
Maybe his newfound beard is having the opposite effect it had on Samson.
With just the one catch and one fumble, his fantasy output (-1) put him in the negative for the first time this season, and was his worst output since 2 points back in Week 2 against the Jetties.
He also received a tongue-lashing from Tom Brady on the sideline for, you know, not playing hard n stuff. The media is, of course, up in arms that Moss might have not played that hard during the game.
It's especially appalling that Moss has never, EVER, shown signs of doing this before...
Randy Moss was the highest scoring wide receiver in all of fantasy football going into last week and he scored -1 points for me. In the playoffs, no less. Against Chris Johnson, no less. What a giant asshole. I hope he gets beard AIDS.
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