Report: Brett Favre Allegedly Farted

In what could be one of the biggest stories of the new millenium, our very own Dick Johnson has received word from an undisclosed source, saying Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has allegedly farted.

The fart has caused a massive uprising throughout the world, even inducing protests on the streets of Somalia.

Favre had built a long-standing reputation of being a moral, and upstanding, salt of the earth man, but the fart has torn that reputation asunder.

Never has an event so captured the imagination, fury and innocence of a nation, and indeed the world.

"I can't believe that Brett Favre would do this," a teary eyed protester in London, Eng. told the associated press. "He seemed so perfect."

There have already been congressional hearings, discussing our future as a nation. President Obama has even gone so far as to schedule an emergency United Nations meeting.

"In a catastrophe such as this... where our very hope can be lost," said President Obama, addressing the nation. "Something must change."

Favre's agent issued a response this morning:

There is no proof that my client, Mr. Favre, farted. We ask you to please reserve judgment until the facts are assembled. In America, justice says we are innocent until proven guilty.

Truly, it is a monumental event in world history.

Some prognosticators believe the tragedy is something that can unite the world, much like September 11th united America.

For Favre, there has been immediate backlash. Early this morning, Wrangler Jeans reportedly cancelled Favre's lucrative endorsement deal.

Even the Vikings, 10-1 in part due to Favre, have begun pursuing trade talks around the league. Sources say they will accept a 7th round pick for Favre.

After a period of silence, Favre addressed the media this afternoon in a worn cap and mustard stained t-shirt, issueing his own statement:

I am prepared to accept full responsibility for my actions. It is time to stop the attacks, the finger pointing, the giggling. For now, this matter should be between me, my wife, our children, my pants, and our god.

Now that the facts have been made public, to where do we turn as a nation and a planet?

Only time will tell.