Standings
Anthony 3-5
Luke 2-6
Eric 1-7
Things are getting pretty ugly, here. Eric went a Rams-esque 0-4 while both Luke and Anthony showed their dominance by going .500 last week. That leaves Anthony as the front-runner with a quite imposing 3-5 record. All three players still have the Golden Forty within their grasp, but much like with the NFC West, "winner" still belongs in quotes. Will the "winner" of the elusive Golden Forty actually have a winning record? Find out after the jump...
New Jersey Football Jets @ Indianapolis Quitters
Eric
- Ever notice how Jim Caldwell always has the same look on his face--like someone just strangled his cat and he has no idea how to react? I'm curious to see how he copes with adversity, in terms of facial expressions. If Peyton gets sacked and throws a few picks, while the D can't stop the Jets power running, my guess is he'll look like this. Or this. The SAME fucking look. Luckily, we'll all find out how Caldwell reacts to adversity, because there is a good chance that the Colts will rest all of their starters so they don't get injured for the Pro Bowl.
Winner: Indianapolis
Anthony
- Rex Ryan, beyond being the most eccentric (read: fucking nuts) coach left in these playoffs, it would be a shame if he didn't get a full two weeks of media coverage leading up to a possible Super Bowl appearance for the J-E-S-T. I mean, look at the coaches we have left. Jim Caldwell, Colts: I don't believe he's uttered a single word all season, and we all know anyway that Peyton is the real coach of that team. Brad Childress, Vikings: He's a Hall of Fame quarterback away from being Jim Zorn. You think he really has any say at all after that spat he had with that pillow-biter Favre? Sean Payton, Saints: Ok, he's not that bad, but he's all gung-ho about doing it FOR NEW ORLEANS that his message just gets old after a while.
I bet if given the chance, Ryan would molest a three-legged Schnauzer if he thought it would pump his team up for a game. For that reason, and that reason alone, I'm picking the Jets to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. I know, I know. I almost threw up as I typed that too.
Winner: J-E-S-T Jets Mets Jets!
Luke- There are only three ways a Sanchez could beat an all American like Peyton Manning in anything. First, a pinata contest. Second, if he challenged him to a rousing game of pin the tail on the donkey. Last, a drink till you puke tequila drinking contest. Other then that I believe that Manning is too much of a red blooded American to allow Mark Sanchez to come even close in this game.
Winner: Colt45s
Minnesota Favres @ New Orleans Hurricane Victims
Eric
- On the first day, God created earth on the face of the deep. And he saw that it was good. On the second day, God created Favre. And he saw that it was good. On the third day, God created the concepts of attention and publicity. And he wasn't quite sure if they were good. On the fourth day, God noticed that Favre took a liking to attention and publicity. And he began to regret his creation. On the fifth day, God saw Favre pose as a blue collar country boy in an attempt to endear himself to more fans and thus receive even more attention. And God grew wary of his creation. On the sixth day, God noticed that Favre would do anything for publicity and attention, including constant public waffling on the future of his career, creating what God called IRS, or Imminent Retirement Syndrome. And God saw that everybody only talked about Favre all the time because of the possibility that he might retire and they would lose him. But God saw that Favre would never retire because IRS gave him constant flattery and fawning, the things Favre craved most. And God saw that it was not good. On the seventh day, after resting a bit, God destroyed all of his creation and started anew. And God saw that life without Favre was good.
Winner: Brett Favre (sigh)
Anthony
- Because I know there is no God, my bets for this Super Bowl are riding on an All-Favre classic in Miami. Yes, Virginia, it will be Vikings-Jets in the Super Bowl. This will give every media outlet in the entire world two whole fucking weeks to talk about how Brett Favre leads the league in Playing Like a Kid per Attempt and will enter the Hall of Fame as the NFL leader in Smiles per Pill Pop. At least Joe Buck won't have the call for the Super Bowl, but you can sure as shit bet that he'll be there in New Orleans to grease up the loins of the grizzled gunslinger. ESPN will become even more insufferable when Rachel Nichols reports from Favre's hotel bathroom, showing the viewing public the massive dump Favre took before the game. She'll analyze it too. I can see it now.
RN: As you can see, there are little chunks of corn in the larger piece, a result Favre attributes to the Chipotle burrito he ate the night before. What wasn't corny, however, was the speech Favre gave to his team at IHOP last night. Even though ESPN's cameras weren't rolling, I can tell you that I've never been touched like that in my entire life. Rachel Nichols, E-s-p-ENNNNnnnnnnn.
Kill me.
RN: As you can see, there are little chunks of corn in the larger piece, a result Favre attributes to the Chipotle burrito he ate the night before. What wasn't corny, however, was the speech Favre gave to his team at IHOP last night. Even though ESPN's cameras weren't rolling, I can tell you that I've never been touched like that in my entire life. Rachel Nichols, E-s-p-ENNNNnnnnnnn.
Kill me.
Winner: Brett Favres
Luke
- Brett Farve is too olddddd..... I agree he has had a great season but there is no way that he can keep this up for another game. Arthritis and dementia has to set in soon leaving him down for the count against the Saints defense. Drew Brees has been kept up late at night listening to his facial birthmark that tells him that he must win this game. Although at first this seemed annoying to Brees it seems to now keep him motivated while he sleeps.
Winner: Saints who get really drunk!
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