POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

Standings


Luke          4-6
Anthony     3-7
Eric            2-8

Luke is the only remaining person with a shot at a .500 record, but Anthony could still win and Eric still has a shot for a tie. Pretty pathetic. But there are two games left--the super bowl (snore) and THE PRO BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Check out our awesome picks for the Pro Bowl (!) after the jump!

NFC @? AFC

Eric
- David Garrard, Vince Young, Shaun Ellis, Yeremiah Bell, Justin Smith, Terrence Newman, Antrel Rolle, and Quinton Mikell are all in the Pro Bowl this year, so it's dangerously close to being a completely meaningless distinction that has absolutely nothing to do with how well you play--like the MLB All-Star Game. On top of this, I'm still of the opinion that the NFC is still a minor league compared to the AFC, no matter how many times I'm indoctrinated into watching the Cowboys-Eagles-Giants trifecta every single weekend.

To sum up: Crappy players, one clearly superior team, bad timing, none of the players want to play in it.

In other words, put on your dancing shoes cause this motherfucker's gonna be a corker! 

Winner: AFC

Anthony
- In honor of the first ever Pro Bowl to be played before the Super Bowl, I just want to make a lengthy...or not too lengthy, it depends on how hungover I am...list of things that will probably be more exciting than watching this deathmatch between two conferences who could really give two shits about actually playing in this game. 

- Watching paint dry
- Watching glue dry
- Searching for Jamie Lee Curtis' dick in the striptease scene from True Lies
- Eating a crusty bagel
- Masturbating with a rusty SOS pad
- Driving through Kansas
- U2
- C3PO
- RJD2
- Watching Tim Tebow and his mom film a Focus on the Family commercial
- Watching Tim Tebow and his mom "showing their love" for one another on said commercial...gross
- Listening to Daft Punk for 36 hours
- ESPN First Take
- ESPN Around the Horn
- The View in HD
- Rectal warts
- Genital warts
- Penises for boobs

And lastly

- Brett Favre in Wranglers.

Leave more exciting activities in the comments if you so desire.

As for the game?  Um.....go Broncos?

Winner: AFC

Luke
- Wow what an amazing match up!  Now that the Pro Bowl is being played before the Super Bowl it is actually going to mean something this year.  It is truly a grid iron affair as we watch which team can play better hungover from partying hard the night before.  Matt Schaub vs. Aaron Rodgers, Adrian Peterson vs. Chris Johnson, Brandon Marshal vs. Miles Austin.  These are truly historic hangover matchups in the making.

Although those players may seem important.  Anyone who actually knows anything about football knows that this game rests on the two most important players in this game.  Place kickers David Akers and Dan Carpenter.  There is a sure fire mathematical three step reasoning behind this.  (1) these guys are both less than half the size of almost every other player.  Making it much quicker and easier for them to get drunk.  (2) place kickers never really partied with the football players in college so they have a much lower tolerance.  (3) And probably most important, all the other pro bowlers wanted to get the kickers drunk so they could draw penises on their faces.  When looking at the statistics I believe that David Akers is a slight favorite in the consumption of alcohol column.  This being the only reason why I will be picking the NFC to win.  Booooommmm Baby!!!!

Winner: NFC