The Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award: Week 16

Pro Football Talk

Please, reader(s) of POFD, forgive me.  I've been in deep mourning over the death of Tai from Clueless, so I'm a couple days late on the Lendale White Fanstasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award. 

It's been a rough patch for yours truly, but I think I'll persevere.

In honor of Tai, we'll present this weekly award while rollin' with the homies...

Wry on the Rocks with No Ice: the POFD Inbox

Every week, our inbox is figuratively  and literally flooded (our computers have bad plumbing) with thousands upon thousands of emails from our countless fans. We feel obligated to answer at least 5 lucky fans' (out of thousands, possibly billions, mind you) emails each week. It is our mailbag, of sorts, except nobody has used actual mail since 1997, so we call it our inbox. Unlike every other mailbag ever, though, it will not be vain and self-serving. So, every Wednesday one of us will sit down with a glass of rye (a lovely chianti, this evening) and show the fans we care by responding with half-assed, wry attempts at humor. Send us your emails and questions at our fancy new email account: puntingonfirstdown@gmail.com.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

This week, we have a very special (sort of) winner--a non-football winner. The dubious semi-honor goes to something that once again demonstrated the epic fail of Cutler. Comcast once again showed they have little to no regard for their customer's satisfaction.

(Sunday Edition of ) Dick Johnson's Saturday Six: The Least Inventive Scuttlebutt in All of Sports

When Dick Johnson isn't penetrating deeply into the NFL's most taciturn stories, he is working the phone, talking to sources, and uncovering yet-to-be released stories--the stories Adam Schefter has wet dreams about uncovering. We don't even call them rumors, because we know Dick Johnson is that good. If you wanted to hear it first, you've come to the right place.

A Tip of the Cap to Our Predecessors

This is going to be the first time that POFD has picked apart a national columnist's story for the sake of pure enjoyment. 

We understand deadlines.  We understand sensationalism.  We understand that columnist's have to sometimes go against the grain simply to sell papers (do papers still sell anymore?), but this latest gem from Mike Celizic cannot go unnoticed. 

And here we go...

The Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award: Week 15

Pro Football Talk

And a good day to you all as we stand on the brink of your fantasy team's respective championships, I can only hope that your squad of make-believe has gotten you to a point where you still care what the fuck happens in a game between the Browns and the Chiefs.

But if your team was finally bounced from contention by Aaron Rodgers four-TD performance or Ben Roealkthaljsgalkjsdasf, or however the fuck you spell his name, wiping up his drool and throwing that last second TD, we here at POFD extend our sincerest condolences.  No, really.  Here...have a 40.

This one's on the house.

This week's Fantasy Party Man literally burst onto the party scene this past Sunday.  The man behind the one of the greatest single-game rushing performances in history takes home the honor this week.  And that man is....

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

This week provided myriad candidates (Chiefs rush D, the Seahawks entire team, Mark Sanchez, the Broncos D in the 4th quarter, Adrian Peterson), but no one truly separated from the entire pack like the man, the myth, the legend... Jay Cutler himself.

First Church of Football: A Semi-Live Webbed Logging of the Lord's Sport

Punting on First Down presents a sort of live web log of the NFL action on most Sundays. At least the ones on which I have internet access and I don't have to work. So probably not every week but from time to time.

Little late to Sunday Night Favre. Lot of questions to answer in this game. Can the Panthers find a new QB to Favre them? Can Favre Favre some Favre? Can the Favre's defense Favre the Panthers rushing Favrefense? Favre? We'll have to tune in to find out.

Dick Johnson's Saturday Six: The Least Inventive Scuttlebutt in All of Sports

When Dick Johnson isn't penetrating deeply into the NFL's most taciturn stories, he is working the phone, talking to sources, and uncovering yet-to-be released stories--the stories Adam Schefter has wet dreams about uncovering. We don't even call them rumors, because we know Dick Johnson is that good. If you wanted to hear it first, you've come to the right place.

Straight From the Jacket Predictions: Week 15

Time is ticking down on the 2009 season of the Lord's Sport, people.  If you're like me, you're knee-deep in the fantasy playoffs, cursing the name of Pierre Garcon for getting you one goddamn fantasy point after notching double digits in four of the last six weeks. 

Ass.

But if the fantasy game ain't your thing and the real deal is what you crave, then you, my friend, have come to the right place. 

Here are your ice-box, lead-pipe, lock-down, guaranteed predictions for Week 15...