McNabb: Hey, Brian. What's that shit you got on your head?
Westbrook: Oh this?
McNabb: Oh shit, you got cancer? What kind?
Westbrook: Yeah I got the ankle cancer. This scarf helps me emotionally cope.
McNabb: Ankle cancer? I've never even heard of that.
Westbrook: Got in in my knees too.
McNabb: Are you sure that's even possible?
Westbrook: Oh yeah. I have the swine flu too. Swine flu in my feelings.
McNabb: Wait a minute. You can't have swine flu in your feelings. That's crazier than a tie in football.
Westbrook: No, it's true. Coach Reid drafted LeSean McCoy to replace me in the next couple years and I contracted swine flu in my feelings.
McNabb: I think I got that too. Coach drafted that guy Kolb to replace me and I'm Donovan McNabb, I lose in the Super Bowl all the time.
(Yells over at Andy Reid, who is in the middle of coordinating drills.)
McNabb: Hey coach! I'm doubtful for Sunday. I got the swine flu!
(Reid waddles over to McNabb and Westbrook. Instantly out of breath.)
Reid: God damn it! (breathes heavily, eats cheeseburger) You don't have swine flu. (struggles to catch breath, eats french fries deep fried in duck fat and dipped in Crisco) You guys better play on Sunday. (gulps warm gravy out of his Nalgene) I'm an expert on physical health (has heart attack, doesn't even notice) and neither one of you is hurt. You're all a bunch of God damn hypochondriacs.
McNabb: Hypochondriac? What the hell does that even mean? I'm going back to the clubhouse to watch that BET documentary on Michael Vick. That Korn Kolb motherfucker can QB this team. You coming, Brian?
Brian: No, I'm starting to get a pain somewhere down here between my knee and ankle. Hey, Coach Reid, get that trainer guy over here.
Reid: God damn it! You spend more time with him than your family and you don't know his name? (eats greek yogurt covered in ice cream and whipped cream and topped with a couple sticks of butter) Oh, that's better.
(Westbrook and the trainer walk off the practice field together.)
Trainer: Uh... In your shin?
Westbrook: Yeah. I think it might be sars this time. In my shin.
Trainer: Say, Brian, have I ever thanked you for putting my kids through college?
Shin cancer is the worst kind of cancer. It tore my family apart.
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