That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Well, folks that game (I can't quite remember the name. Was it the Stanley Bowl?) apparently marks the end of the NFL season. So this column will mark the end of Sad Cutler. Until NEXT SEASON! Weeee! Football!!! In seventh months :-(

A Cinderella Story...Outta Nowhere...

I'll take my 40 now.  King Cobra preferably. 

What?  You thought I was talking about the Saints? 

POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

Standings

Luke          4-7
Anthony     4-7
Eric            3-8

Well, folks, we're down to the last game of the season. It's all tied up at the top between Luke and Anthony. Surely, one must prevail. Unless, of course, we all pick the same team and finish with the current standings. But that would be lame. Then again, we're pretty lame people. Maybe...


We....






Will...


Pick...








The...
Same...

POFD Fireside Chats: Mike Tomlin (Tomlin: Steelers will win the Super Bowl next year)

Occasionally, Punting on First Down asks an NFL star to come sit down by the fire, grab a glass of pinot noir, maybe take off some clothes, and GET FUCKING REAL. No PR reps or lawyers allowed.

Good evening, friends. This week, we get to know the Steelers' verbose strategist, Mr. Mike Tomlin.

POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

Standings


Luke          4-6
Anthony     3-7
Eric            2-8

Luke is the only remaining person with a shot at a .500 record, but Anthony could still win and Eric still has a shot for a tie. Pretty pathetic. But there are two games left--the super bowl (snore) and THE PRO BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Check out our awesome picks for the Pro Bowl (!) after the jump!

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Let's be honest here. The Vikings outplayed the Saints. They out-passed them, they out-rushed them. They were the better team. And they lost. Why? Brett Favre? Not really. He made one bad play at the end there on a terrible play call by Brad Childress. Can't really blame the son of a [gun]. That mother['s Day celebrating gentleman] had an average game. Though laughing at his [handsome] face is quite entertaining, and we all wish he would [live through] a tractor accident, it's not like he really [lapsed] all by himself. This week's co-Sad Cutlers are Brad Childress (for obvious reasons) and the company that manufactures gloves for the Minnesota Vikings.

Oh Noes! Brett Do Bad?

AP

There is a God!

POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

Standings

Anthony 3-5

Luke       2-6


Eric        1-7


Things are getting pretty ugly, here. Eric went a Rams-esque 0-4 while both Luke and Anthony showed their dominance by going .500 last week. That leaves Anthony as the front-runner with a quite imposing 3-5 record. All three players still have the Golden Forty within their grasp, but much like with the NFC West, "winner" still belongs in quotes. Will the "winner" of the elusive Golden Forty actually have a winning record? Find out after the jump...

Cassel the Interceptor and His Pass-Dropping Extraordinares: Episode 1

Episode 1: In Which Our Heroes Witness a Change of Heart

[Establishing Shot]

Deep-voiced Narrator: In a dark murky swamp. the Legion of Insanity congregated to plot their taking over the world.

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

Well, I missed the Saturday games because of stupid work, so I can't say for sure if there were many pigskin fuck-ups. The Saints and Colts dominated. End of story. On Sunday, on the other hand, people were fucking up like MTV going to Haitian spring break. Nate Kaeding put on a show like few kickers can. Maybe he will go back to his home planet now. Still, the fuck-ups of the day had to be the Cowboys offensive line. Wade Phillips didn't coach the Cowboys to a loss. Tony Romo didn't collapse like many thought. It was the Cowboys offensive line that did the collapsing.

POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza: Divisional Playoffs

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

Standings
Eric        1-3

Anthony 1-3

Luke       0-4

Eric and Anthony made no real push for the Golden Forty, leaving an absent Luke still within earshot of winning. This week has four more games for us all to wrongly pick. Who will be the MOST wrong? Find out after the jump...

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

The first week of the playoffs produced many deserving candidates: the Eagles running game, the Patriots run defense, Carson Palmer, both Tom Brady and Joe Flacco posted Cutler-esque sub-50 passer ratings, the Cardinals and Packers defenses, but I can't help but feel no body and no thing single-handedly decided a game quite like Aaron Rodgers' foot.

POFD Playoff Derisive Mocking Extravaganza!

Every year, POFD gathers its acclaimed writers (minus Luke this week) to make playoff predictions while mocking those jerkbag playoff teams. Since none of our teams made the playoffs, we feel they deserve as much scorn as we can muster. For each and every game up to and including the Super Bowl, we'll predict a winner of a game, as well as do our best to mock and insult the teams to help assuage our playoffless jealousy. Whoever has the best record of predictions at the end gets a 40 purchased by the other writers and a short space to mock the other writers publicly. Enjoy.

The Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the YEAR Award!

Pro Football Talk

And a happy 2010 to all you lovers and haters out there in fantasy-land.  With the regular season of the Lord's Sport now in the books, I trust you all enjoyed a fruitful fantasy season with a championship in hand. 

If you are not of that persuasion, however, never fret.  As they say perenially in Denver anymore, there's always next year.

I surprisingly enjoyed the most successful fantasy season of my entire life in 2009, winning 2 of my 3 leagues, including one where I entered the playoffs as a number 6 seed and Larry Johnson as my number 2 running back. 

So while I have an entire offseason to gloat (at least about fake football..........fuck you, Broncos), it's time here at POFD to hand out our awards for the Inaugural Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Year Award. 

And the Grammy goes to....

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.

In a year of many fuck-ups, colossal to mere minutia, few can match the historic collapse of Anthony and my own Denver Broncos. Year in and year out they fail at the end of the season like no other team, no matter who is coaching the team.

Straight From the Jacket Predictions: Week 17

Here we are, folks.  The final week of the regular season is upon us, and if you're like me, you're a bit hesitant to let 2009 go. 

I mean, sure, the Broncos started out 6-0, and no team that started thusly failed to make the playoffs, but goshdarnit those Mile High moneymakers are giving history a run for their money. 

Chris Johnson could rush for 2,000 yards, the Colts are going to lose in the first round again for resting all their starters, and the goddamn Jets are in the driver's seat to make the playoffs. 

Seriously, kill me if that happens.

Without further ado, here are your final lead pipe, home-alone, lock-down, guaranteed predictions for the final week of the regular season...