Monday, November 30, 2009

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound.
Though Jay Cutler once again showed the world the importance of the turnover, this week, Jake Delhomme truly set the bar for poor play, as he has so many times this season.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

First Church of Football: A Semi-Live Webbed Logging of the Lord's Sport

Punting on First Down presents a sort of live web log of the NFL action on most Sundays. At least the ones on which I have internet access and I don't have to work. So probably not every week but from time to time.



Awww yeeeeahhh.... Sunday Night Motherflippin' Football. Did you know that there was a movie called the Blind Side about this fellow named Michael Oher? Yes, there is a movie about this person I've never heard of! Can you tell me about it just one more time?

Jesus Talks 1:1

When he's not performing resurrections, magic, turning water into wine at 9th grade parent's basement parties, and moving Ouija planchettes, Punting on First Down asks Mr. Jesus Christ to take time out of his busy schedule to let us all know what he thinks about recent NFL stories. Though we asked for parables and aphorisms, Jesus, powerful as he is, decided rambling diatribes would suffice. Here are his teachings...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Dick Johnson's Saturday Six: The Least Inventive Scuttlebutt in All of Sports

When Dick Johnson isn't penetrating deeply into the NFL's most taciturn stories, he is working the phone, talking to sources, and uncovering yet-to-be released stories--the stories Adam Schefter has wet dreams about uncovering. We don't even call them rumors, because we know Dick Johnson is that good. If you wanted to hear it first, you've come to the right place.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Straight From the Jacket Predictions: Week 12




With Turkey Day just a thing of the past, and the Denver Broncos finally regaining their foothold on a playoff spot, we here at POFD (minus Luke and his Redskins of course) couldn't be more content coming into Week 12 of the Lord's Sport. 

Some of you might have noticed that I missed a few games in these predictions this week.  Well, as Josh McDaniels might tell you:  @$%#@^#@#%%&%$&@$%^#^#ing $^&$#@#^*#^&%milky $#^&#*^@$&^@^%^*#@^%$silly putty!

He's a salty one, that Coach McD. 

Now as we jam our faces full of leftover pies and turkey breasts (hehe, breasts), here are your knock-out, back-draft, 100% guaranteed predictions for Week 12...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wry on the Rocks with No Ice: the POFD Inbox

Every week, our inbox is figuratively  and literally flooded (our computers have bad plumbing) with thousands upon thousands of emails from our countless fans, which is odd considering we don't actually have an email account (but we will get one by next week. Nevertheless, we feel obligated to answer at least 10 lucky fans' (out of thousands, possibly billions, mind you) emails each week. It is our mailbag, of sorts, except nobody has used actual mail since 1997, so we call it our inbox. Unlike, every other mailbag ever, though, it will not be vain and self-serving. So, every Wednesday one of us will sit down with a glass of rye (just beer tonight) and show the fans we care by responding with half-assed, wry attempts at humor. Send us your emails and questions whenever we actually get an email account.




Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Lendale White Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award

Pro Football Talk

We're back again for the first time with the second edition of the POFD Fantasy Party Man/Douche of the Week Award in honor of the former Patron-swilling juggernaut now known as Lendale White. 

The Patron (not to be confused with Patron, the tequila) Saint of this column actually reached the end zone for just the second time this season in Monday night's 20-17 victory over the Texans, but did so on just two carries. 

You go, Lendale.  Get yours.  I'ma get mine. 

Drum roll, please........your POFD Fantasy Party Man of the Week goes to.......

Monday, November 23, 2009

That Makes Me a Sad Cutler: Adventures in Majestic Pigskin Fuck-ups

Each Monday, in honor of Jay Cutler, master of the team-crippling interception, Punting on First Down chronicles football players fucking up so badly, that you can blame them single-handedly for their team's loss. Exaggerations and hyperbole abound. 

As much as I'd love to give this to Cutler every week, that would probably be boring to everyone except me (and possibly Anthony). So in the interest of diversity, this week I anoint the Baltimore Raven redzone offense as the saddest fuck-ups of week 11.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

First Church of Football: A Semi-Live Webbed Logging of the Lord's Sport

Punting on First Down presents a sort of live web log of the NFL action on most Sundays. At least the ones on which I have internet access and I don't have to work. So probably not every week but from time to time.
Al and John are having fun on TV, everyone! ZOMG, they are so conversational. I feel like I'm right in the booth. I bet they are BFFs like Dan Dierdorf and Greg Gumbel. They probably do the 2 for $20 deal at Applebees all the time.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Dick Johnson's Saturday Six: The Least Inventive Scuttlebutt in All of Sports

When Dick Johnson isn't penetrating deeply into the NFL's most taciturn stories, he is working the phone, talking to sources, and uncovering yet-to-be released stories--the stories Adam Schefter has wet dreams about uncovering. We don't even call them rumors, because we know Dick Johnson is that good. If you wanted to hear it first, you've come to the right place.